|Going for a midnight outing Luna runs into a young pegasus. She tells him the story of a time she duelled with Discord in a game of wits…|
I wrote this for a competition and was utterly amazed at how strong the entries were. I was completely outgunned but people seemed to like mine anyway.
Editing is a major issue … the intro drags a bit… Chris
There are severe punctuation issues in this story… Present Perfect
Sadly, the writing still needed some work… Soge
Of Luna’s Landing the less said the better. The characters are wooden. The plot thin. Let us speak no more of it lest we dull our senses entirely. To the Llama I will but say that it takes prodigious talent to write a story so devoid of merit. Consider that you could have raised the standard of the entire competition merely by not having written anything at all. In these circumstances I advise you ponder the actions of the common beaver who, when confronted with his lack of literary worthiness, finds succour in carpentary. Even then I advise starting only on wood fit for the fire. Your story, sadly, is too much of a damp squib to burn but with sufficient fuel perhaps the deed may be done.