The Scented Llama of Doom Best not to ask really...

Office Thermodynamics

Someone in management has, I believe, made a bet for a goodly sum that he thought was a sure thing. After making this bet said manager returned home and remorse set in. Perhaps the odds weren’t as overwhelmingly in his favour as he thought. Maybe it was all a mistake - maybe he was on the brink of ruin without any way of hedging, his life savings about to be obliterated, his family forced to live on the streets under a bridge charging a toll for billy goats. No, he says to himself, we cannot let this be. So, instead of mending his ways and cutting down on the excessive gambling, he sneakily decided to change the odds in his favour.

I believe this is the most likely reason for the current situation at work. Someone has decided that, in order to prevent hell freezing over and thus losing a sure thing, the air conditioners in the office must on no account actually allow the temperature to drop. To do so would be to invite disaster - who knows what the current climate is in Hades? Best to be careful. Best not to let any of that heat escape.

To call the office a furnace would be to insult good furnaces everywhere. Good furnaces know when to quit. They’re efficient. They don’t need to show off. Once you’re melting steel then you’ve done your job. No need to waste energy vapourising it. Besides steel condensation is a tricky topic and furnaces prefer to avoid tricky topics. They’re carefree beings and considerate of the feelings of those working with them. If a furnace burns your hand off it didn’t mean it and is probably really sorry about it and it was all a big misunderstanding. Don’t hug though. Furnaces get embarrassed.

Our office is not a furnace. It lacks the joie de vivre and frigidity. It forgoes the tranquillity. If it wasn’t for the mandatory kevlar suits we hand out to all employees as they enter the building the death toll would be huge. Someone visited the office the other day and forgot to put the suit on and spontaneously combusted as they entered the office. We needed to re-carpet. We still need to paint over the shadows that were burned into the wall when someone opened the curtains the other day.

To make this clear I’ve scoured the internet for things noticeably colder than our office:



If this is the last post on this blog then it’s probably because of the heat death of the universe. Sorry about that but I can guarantee that the fight for the aircon remote was epic even if it ended tragically.